2.2

There I was, minding my business, when he walked in, bold as brass. Just like the first time he'd come in.

My heart raced up a bit, and my breath came faster. All I could focus on at the time was "Don't be stupid, don't be stupid. Don't do anything stupid."

All at once, I felt some kind of shame. I was so sure I was beyond this. Why on earth couldn't he just leave me be? Fortunately, I was on my way out to make some deliveries, so I happily skipped off. Yet I still wondered, would he call me? Would he still be there when I got back? Should I hurry back, just in case?

But then I remembered just how it'd played out before. I should be glad for his current lack of interest (because I probably would just fall in all over again, seeing how putty-stupid I was being), and should he get to that, of course I shouldn't be interested. If I dug hard enough, I knew I should still find my pride in there someplace. Along with my self-esteem and intelligence.

Of course he won't call. And now I'm glad for it. Yet between then and now, there have been many a prayer for wisdom, strength, deliverance (from my foolishness, and feelings), amid others. My mood greatly retarded my praise & worship boost this evening at church, but thankfully, towards the end, I was reminded that I'm much more all-together than I was after he first left. I got through it then (and subsequent setbacks from his returns), and I'll get over this again.

I believe someday, I'll be able to run into him and maintain even breathing.

Ah yes, the date.

Between my office run-in and church was the late lunch with UC. I was a half-hour late and deeply contemplating welshing (due to my induced state of mind). He was so kind as to hold on, and we lunched at The Melting Pot. They have really nice stew, and the flavour in the fish actually goes beyond the skin. I was trying not to shame myself in public so I went with rice (as opposed to the traditional food which is served there). Fortunately, for now he seems to just need an opening to go on all by himself for the next 10 - 15 mins. He seems to think I'm like 19/20, a smoker, and perhaps slightly look down on villagers. Persuading him otherwise would have extended the conversating, so I opted for tacit agreement.

All in all, I was polite, ate (against my better instincts, seeing as it was rice, and I was not hungry), and didn't (obviously) stare at my watch. He tried to get a next scheduling out of me, but I held fort. No matter what Xandra says (he's not trying to marry me. Just yet), I can see where this can only go, and I'm not interested in him, so I reckon I'll just let him know how far, if he calls again to fix an outing. We are literallly not on the same wavelength: he listens to Oliver de Coque-type highlife (and not "Yori-yori", as he puts it), seems to be looking for a docile, young & impressionable type, and the first outing felt like a Wife-seeking Interview.

Next please!