08.07.11

WHY???

Why do females (over) indulge in projecting onto guys? We meet them on Day 1, and if we fancy them, with (a very short) time, we've dreamt up liking more, being liked back, minor relationship tiffs and the make-ups, all leading up to where our minds meet the horizon. Meanwhile, the guy is still on square one, yet to even start his engines (unless, of course, he's fancied you for quite a bit. Or he has aspirations being intimate with your intimates).

Why do the ones who like us seem blah, or sha have K-leg, while we persist in liking the ones who mostly do us more harm than good?

Why can't there be less love-triangles and more love- .... straightlines??? If we indulged less in rom-coms, and followed up on 5-years-down-the-line of happy-endings, would we be less inclined to be bedazzled by what we think we want, and focus more on what lies beneath?

Why do we dream of being a bride so much, but never really focus on married life beyond the wedding?

Why don't we ever think first to ask the Lord to find and recognize the ones we can be happy and make a home with from the very beginning, rather than wait till we're moving into our "best-by dates" to invite Him in, and then STILL settle for any random person that happens along when our desperation enters full-bloom?

An Older Point of View

I like to think of myself as having a traditional view on boy-girl relations. This includes:

a) boy courting girl (not the other way around. No matter how emancipated and independent we are, the simple truth is any human will value more something they've worked hard to earn, and not what's been dropped into their laps).

b) both parties having respect for boundaries. That means he not inviting her over for dinner, then movies, then trying to get her to stay the night, after she has said no at least thrice. It also shows he's listening to what she's saying, and respects her decisions. For her part, that would include not leading him on (especially if she knows nothing will come of the liaison) in any fashion.

Traditional would include not trying to kiss the girl on the second date, and not even thinking she would allow you (even she she does), putting your best foot forward and keeping it there for as long as you can (and not swopping pants infront of me while telling me you like to be "at ease". One can only imagine just how much at ease you are).

Okay, okay, I'm hardly the epitome of wonderful myself, but really, I reckon I know what I'm looking towards, and I can recognise that some people just don't cut.

This goes against my father's advice: "40% is pass mark, so lower your standards"

Would you believe it???

1.1.11

I've consistently failed in attempting to understand how a girl can have a guy unsuccessfully pursue her affections for periods on end, have him fail, and yet turn around (after not giving a jot about him, for same said periods on end) and realise some hithero unearthed, beyond-platonic affectations for him, and all this just as he has moved on to someone else. BAM! Mind-clarifying epiphany!!

(Or, sometimes, the gentle washing away of overburdening foolishness).

How trite. So cliché.

How did I get here?

I'd like to "set myself apart" and plead that I didn't need the appearance of a girlfriend to galvanise my decision, but it all boils down to ignored opportunities. And what amazes me still is that I still am unsure of what my stance it precisely; I'm not sad I missed out, just shocked that Ms. New Girl happened along just as I had moved myself to take action. So yes, I feel a right git, but I don't feel its right to play myself against another female's happiness just so I can have a stab at uncertainty.

What I think the case is (and feel free to share your thoughts on this) is that I've realised I've lost another emotional source I (to some extent) feed off (in the absence of a beau), and so I'm tending towards graspiness. Admittedly, it is counter-productive to pray he finds happiness with someone who will evenly reciprocate, but hope that he just might still like me, and choose me. And I do truly want him to be happy.

So Lord, please help me get over myself, and teach me to appreciate worth when it is before me, not after it is gone.

And please let him have an appreciation of my humour. :))

5.2

Just how does one go about beating Stupid out of your life?
It is evident that my Latest-Ex-Crush (henceforth referred to as Lec) still does not look upon me in any light beyond platonic, and most likely will not in the foreseeable future. Even I can recognize that. And yet, I allow myself to dance along the edge of the "proximity-infatuation" trap. This is beyond crap, really. I've friends with serious relationship crises in their lives and I'm creating drama for myself?

Ok. Less Alexandre Desplat & Carter Burwell for now.

I find that since my birthday, I seem to be looking upon Charles' case in a more favourable light. Who says flattery gets you no where? Vanity aside, he seems nice, responsible, and plays the gentleman rather well. More importantly, he is a Christian, and he has clearly expressed his interest in me (although not to me personally). So what's the hold up? Its not coming naturally, at least from my end. When I do make a move, its with a conscious effort and not spontaneously forthcoming. Am I just over-dramatizing? Or I've just woven myself into some anti-relating cocoon which I only attempt getting out of for people who turn out not to be worth the effort?

5.1

My eldest sister's birthday was two days back. She turned 38, and is still single (apparently, you are single until you get married, irrespective of whether or not you've been dating some guy for up to 6 years or more).

As with all our birthdays, the father was moved in prayers to once more remind the good Lord of his four single daughters (and son) who are still single and seeking good partners to marry, settle down with, and add their own quotas to the world populace. I find this rather amusing, but he is well within his rights as a father (plus we DO actually want to get married, move on with our lives, and - if that isn't reason enough - move out of the nest, so we don't have to keep answering to the father as to why we are so pretty, dress so finely, are hot catches, and yet seem to not be bringing a netful of catch home with us at the end of each day).

So that morning of the 6th, Xandra father and I are in the kitchen organizing our various breakfasts, when he voices out his thought to call Tutu up to wish her a happy birthday (good! He remembered - thanks to the mother, no doubt), and also quiz her as to why she is yet to marry (not-so-good). I councelled him to let the message rest at the happy birthday bit, after all, she already has to deal with the drama of turning 38, listening to to continual ticking of her biological clock, further amplified by the fact that dozens of people are getting in touch to wish her a happy birthday. Quite frankly, I find it highly inconsiderate when people ask me why she isn't married. Firstly, how on earth should I know? I'm hardly privy to her relationship, am I? Secondly, perhaps its simply because Mr. Boyfriend has not proposed/isn't ready to commit/is waiting on divine inspiration/or something to force his hand? Thirdly, she's friggin hitting forty, of COURSE she would like to settle down and move on with her life! How's about you ask her?

At least, my dad was asking her, not me. But we must be considerate to her as well. That discussion of course quickly moved on to the expected - Do I have a boyfriend yet? (Xandra had had the good fortune of being forced into this dicussion the previous afternoon, so she was chiefly spectator here, with a few eye-rolls tossed in for effect).

Lord, please, this year still has so much of it to come. Even if its December ending, nothing is too late for you. Please let someone good in Your sight happen to my sisters, epecially Tutu. Mostly for thier sake and happiness, but also that my parents will rest. And I can have to small wedding I dream of, as opposed to some grand affair, which is the fate of whichever of us is the first to jump the broom.

Amen.

Watched Bounty Hunter with Emmanuel last night. The movie was good, and Emmanuel was good company. I'm mostly thankful that so far, we only get to watch movies together, and in a theatre at that. Else, how would I handle his continuous staring, repetitive declarations, poor proposals (someday, I'm actually going to say yes to one of these guys, just to get a response), and the awkward moments in between that come up - this time, my underwire (or what is at that location, seeing as the bra I was wearing was underwireless) cutting into my side, and having to adjust that with him sitting on that side of me, and the ensuing explanation and comment.

Oy.

4.1

Truly, I begin to believe that Mr. Asuquo just has it out for me. I come in to work this afternoon, and his name is on the register for an appointment. For what again??? Even RCT takes 3 visits at most. Is it boredom? This recurrent haunting don tire me oh.

I came to an epiphany over the weekend concerning my inter-sex relations, and wondering why no one seems to be that into me (Yes oh. Much enlightenment after watching He's Just Not That Into You). The truth of the matter is that when I think about it, I'm not into them either. It's more of a prick to my vanity, on some level. Except for that one crush which I wouldn't have minded working out into something more, which I would have let die normally if Sade had not helped me along. Grrrr.......

However, I must desist from stating the obvious, and going into how guys today are either lazy, just don't know what to look for, or have some form of issues. It goes without saying that the same more or less applies to females, but I can't comment on that authoritatively, seeing as I don't swing that way. I will concede that females have a greater inclination to read density into thin air and conjure up conclusions from non-events, but even at that, the guys on their part turn onto us with attention at full-glare, which they switch off at will after finding they're not-so-interested after all. Seriously. Back in the day, a guy didn't even let on that he was feeling you like that unless he was ready to explore the possibility of something. Or he was just innit for shag-feasibility.

Perhaps things haven't changed so much since then. Maybe other than a population shift in the number of wankers.

3.1

I watched Valentine's Day yesterday with FT Lily & Fifi. Truly, it's a chick flick, and I don't hold it against all the masses of XYs who (forming testosterone) put their feet down and opted for a boycott. The bottom line is sha that the movie is really good. We passed through Mango on our way out for a brief window shopping spell, and it was there I caught my reflection in the full wall-length mirror. If there is any additional reason why anyone would think me 15, then it would be the way I dress. I really, really do not help my cause on that front, but I must also add that shopping in this part of the world is more upsetting than helpful. Be that as it may, sloppy dressing has got to be minimalized. This conclusion was further butressed by the young man who saw it fit to block Fifi's car from exiting the parking lot, just so he could have a go at getting her number. Evidently, I had been scanned over and did not register. Don't get me wrong, I care less about whether or not I got his attention, and more about if I was perceived to be a baby sister being taken out for a treat.

Well, I'm just glad I'm not affecting Fifi's market. Cos I and FT were at JAM last friday, and while we were looking for recharge cards, some child came up and was attempting to do only Lord-knows-what with her. Hmmm. Must not rub off.
;D

What I should direct my energies towards is:
1) Dress more maturely.
2) Not waste my time on time-wasters who reckon they're interested in me, but do not move beyond that for reasons best known to them.

Q1: If hooking up with a best friend (or good friend) is a wise way to go, how do you differentiate between these and the guys who make good friends but are not to be partnered with? (The whole, he's a great friend, but no-so-hot bf material).

Q2: If retrospection affords a better view on things, then why am I second-guessing options I passed over, when I know it was for good reasons (which are unapparent right now)?

Q3: Why are guys so friggin lazy these days???

Call me old fashioned, but I have the mentality that when a guy is interested in a girl, he makes his intent known, and pursues accordingly. Abeg, all these "fine boys" who are used to girls chasing after them should leave me be. I don't know how to get with that program, and quite frankly, I can't be bothered. It does make me wonder though if my ex really was one in a million. As I recall, he did mention at some point that I would think back on him when I saw what guys are like. While I don't regret the split, I am absolutely aghast at the state of the market.