5.2

Just how does one go about beating Stupid out of your life?
It is evident that my Latest-Ex-Crush (henceforth referred to as Lec) still does not look upon me in any light beyond platonic, and most likely will not in the foreseeable future. Even I can recognize that. And yet, I allow myself to dance along the edge of the "proximity-infatuation" trap. This is beyond crap, really. I've friends with serious relationship crises in their lives and I'm creating drama for myself?

Ok. Less Alexandre Desplat & Carter Burwell for now.

I find that since my birthday, I seem to be looking upon Charles' case in a more favourable light. Who says flattery gets you no where? Vanity aside, he seems nice, responsible, and plays the gentleman rather well. More importantly, he is a Christian, and he has clearly expressed his interest in me (although not to me personally). So what's the hold up? Its not coming naturally, at least from my end. When I do make a move, its with a conscious effort and not spontaneously forthcoming. Am I just over-dramatizing? Or I've just woven myself into some anti-relating cocoon which I only attempt getting out of for people who turn out not to be worth the effort?

5.1

My eldest sister's birthday was two days back. She turned 38, and is still single (apparently, you are single until you get married, irrespective of whether or not you've been dating some guy for up to 6 years or more).

As with all our birthdays, the father was moved in prayers to once more remind the good Lord of his four single daughters (and son) who are still single and seeking good partners to marry, settle down with, and add their own quotas to the world populace. I find this rather amusing, but he is well within his rights as a father (plus we DO actually want to get married, move on with our lives, and - if that isn't reason enough - move out of the nest, so we don't have to keep answering to the father as to why we are so pretty, dress so finely, are hot catches, and yet seem to not be bringing a netful of catch home with us at the end of each day).

So that morning of the 6th, Xandra father and I are in the kitchen organizing our various breakfasts, when he voices out his thought to call Tutu up to wish her a happy birthday (good! He remembered - thanks to the mother, no doubt), and also quiz her as to why she is yet to marry (not-so-good). I councelled him to let the message rest at the happy birthday bit, after all, she already has to deal with the drama of turning 38, listening to to continual ticking of her biological clock, further amplified by the fact that dozens of people are getting in touch to wish her a happy birthday. Quite frankly, I find it highly inconsiderate when people ask me why she isn't married. Firstly, how on earth should I know? I'm hardly privy to her relationship, am I? Secondly, perhaps its simply because Mr. Boyfriend has not proposed/isn't ready to commit/is waiting on divine inspiration/or something to force his hand? Thirdly, she's friggin hitting forty, of COURSE she would like to settle down and move on with her life! How's about you ask her?

At least, my dad was asking her, not me. But we must be considerate to her as well. That discussion of course quickly moved on to the expected - Do I have a boyfriend yet? (Xandra had had the good fortune of being forced into this dicussion the previous afternoon, so she was chiefly spectator here, with a few eye-rolls tossed in for effect).

Lord, please, this year still has so much of it to come. Even if its December ending, nothing is too late for you. Please let someone good in Your sight happen to my sisters, epecially Tutu. Mostly for thier sake and happiness, but also that my parents will rest. And I can have to small wedding I dream of, as opposed to some grand affair, which is the fate of whichever of us is the first to jump the broom.

Amen.

Watched Bounty Hunter with Emmanuel last night. The movie was good, and Emmanuel was good company. I'm mostly thankful that so far, we only get to watch movies together, and in a theatre at that. Else, how would I handle his continuous staring, repetitive declarations, poor proposals (someday, I'm actually going to say yes to one of these guys, just to get a response), and the awkward moments in between that come up - this time, my underwire (or what is at that location, seeing as the bra I was wearing was underwireless) cutting into my side, and having to adjust that with him sitting on that side of me, and the ensuing explanation and comment.

Oy.

4.1

Truly, I begin to believe that Mr. Asuquo just has it out for me. I come in to work this afternoon, and his name is on the register for an appointment. For what again??? Even RCT takes 3 visits at most. Is it boredom? This recurrent haunting don tire me oh.

I came to an epiphany over the weekend concerning my inter-sex relations, and wondering why no one seems to be that into me (Yes oh. Much enlightenment after watching He's Just Not That Into You). The truth of the matter is that when I think about it, I'm not into them either. It's more of a prick to my vanity, on some level. Except for that one crush which I wouldn't have minded working out into something more, which I would have let die normally if Sade had not helped me along. Grrrr.......

However, I must desist from stating the obvious, and going into how guys today are either lazy, just don't know what to look for, or have some form of issues. It goes without saying that the same more or less applies to females, but I can't comment on that authoritatively, seeing as I don't swing that way. I will concede that females have a greater inclination to read density into thin air and conjure up conclusions from non-events, but even at that, the guys on their part turn onto us with attention at full-glare, which they switch off at will after finding they're not-so-interested after all. Seriously. Back in the day, a guy didn't even let on that he was feeling you like that unless he was ready to explore the possibility of something. Or he was just innit for shag-feasibility.

Perhaps things haven't changed so much since then. Maybe other than a population shift in the number of wankers.

3.1

I watched Valentine's Day yesterday with FT Lily & Fifi. Truly, it's a chick flick, and I don't hold it against all the masses of XYs who (forming testosterone) put their feet down and opted for a boycott. The bottom line is sha that the movie is really good. We passed through Mango on our way out for a brief window shopping spell, and it was there I caught my reflection in the full wall-length mirror. If there is any additional reason why anyone would think me 15, then it would be the way I dress. I really, really do not help my cause on that front, but I must also add that shopping in this part of the world is more upsetting than helpful. Be that as it may, sloppy dressing has got to be minimalized. This conclusion was further butressed by the young man who saw it fit to block Fifi's car from exiting the parking lot, just so he could have a go at getting her number. Evidently, I had been scanned over and did not register. Don't get me wrong, I care less about whether or not I got his attention, and more about if I was perceived to be a baby sister being taken out for a treat.

Well, I'm just glad I'm not affecting Fifi's market. Cos I and FT were at JAM last friday, and while we were looking for recharge cards, some child came up and was attempting to do only Lord-knows-what with her. Hmmm. Must not rub off.
;D

What I should direct my energies towards is:
1) Dress more maturely.
2) Not waste my time on time-wasters who reckon they're interested in me, but do not move beyond that for reasons best known to them.

Q1: If hooking up with a best friend (or good friend) is a wise way to go, how do you differentiate between these and the guys who make good friends but are not to be partnered with? (The whole, he's a great friend, but no-so-hot bf material).

Q2: If retrospection affords a better view on things, then why am I second-guessing options I passed over, when I know it was for good reasons (which are unapparent right now)?

Q3: Why are guys so friggin lazy these days???

Call me old fashioned, but I have the mentality that when a guy is interested in a girl, he makes his intent known, and pursues accordingly. Abeg, all these "fine boys" who are used to girls chasing after them should leave me be. I don't know how to get with that program, and quite frankly, I can't be bothered. It does make me wonder though if my ex really was one in a million. As I recall, he did mention at some point that I would think back on him when I saw what guys are like. While I don't regret the split, I am absolutely aghast at the state of the market.

2.2

There I was, minding my business, when he walked in, bold as brass. Just like the first time he'd come in.

My heart raced up a bit, and my breath came faster. All I could focus on at the time was "Don't be stupid, don't be stupid. Don't do anything stupid."

All at once, I felt some kind of shame. I was so sure I was beyond this. Why on earth couldn't he just leave me be? Fortunately, I was on my way out to make some deliveries, so I happily skipped off. Yet I still wondered, would he call me? Would he still be there when I got back? Should I hurry back, just in case?

But then I remembered just how it'd played out before. I should be glad for his current lack of interest (because I probably would just fall in all over again, seeing how putty-stupid I was being), and should he get to that, of course I shouldn't be interested. If I dug hard enough, I knew I should still find my pride in there someplace. Along with my self-esteem and intelligence.

Of course he won't call. And now I'm glad for it. Yet between then and now, there have been many a prayer for wisdom, strength, deliverance (from my foolishness, and feelings), amid others. My mood greatly retarded my praise & worship boost this evening at church, but thankfully, towards the end, I was reminded that I'm much more all-together than I was after he first left. I got through it then (and subsequent setbacks from his returns), and I'll get over this again.

I believe someday, I'll be able to run into him and maintain even breathing.

Ah yes, the date.

Between my office run-in and church was the late lunch with UC. I was a half-hour late and deeply contemplating welshing (due to my induced state of mind). He was so kind as to hold on, and we lunched at The Melting Pot. They have really nice stew, and the flavour in the fish actually goes beyond the skin. I was trying not to shame myself in public so I went with rice (as opposed to the traditional food which is served there). Fortunately, for now he seems to just need an opening to go on all by himself for the next 10 - 15 mins. He seems to think I'm like 19/20, a smoker, and perhaps slightly look down on villagers. Persuading him otherwise would have extended the conversating, so I opted for tacit agreement.

All in all, I was polite, ate (against my better instincts, seeing as it was rice, and I was not hungry), and didn't (obviously) stare at my watch. He tried to get a next scheduling out of me, but I held fort. No matter what Xandra says (he's not trying to marry me. Just yet), I can see where this can only go, and I'm not interested in him, so I reckon I'll just let him know how far, if he calls again to fix an outing. We are literallly not on the same wavelength: he listens to Oliver de Coque-type highlife (and not "Yori-yori", as he puts it), seems to be looking for a docile, young & impressionable type, and the first outing felt like a Wife-seeking Interview.

Next please!

2.1

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. But that's with the same person, right? What happens when you find yourself in the same situation but with different people? Say, for instance, I have a date with this guy, who stands me up with no notification of his plans changing prior to the meeting, or calling to let me know after I've been staring at the time for ever. I live, I learn, I move on. Then some time later, I meet a second guy and things are looking good. We've hung out a bit, and then on one particular date, he does a no-show, no-call. Well, I've been there, done that, so I cut my losses and move on (oh, by the way, he's not aware he did anything wrong). Then there's the current guy. He seems sweet, and all that. I'm a really slow mover at this point, and I'm not quite sure I'm even feeling him, but he has quite the supporter's club, so I give it a shot. First time is not bad, second is more relaxed. Third time round, we're to see a movie, and he does a no-show, no-call as well. At this point, I'm rather tickled (and wondering if I have some signage on my forehead, or a secret manual I don't know about). Of course there's a good explanation behind all that (isn't there always?), but then, even supporter's club has lost its voice at this point.

So I went out with this UC guy. Had a pre-meeting late lunch, just to minimalise on the extent of time we could spend together. He actually is alright, I suppose. But I clearly see nothing happening there. So why did I agree to a second date? And why on earth hasn't he left the country yet?? (if he does move around as much as he claims???).

Tomorrow will tell.